Last night, I met the girl of my dreams. Unfortunately, I woke up to find that last statement literal. Humorous and disheartening. I barely got to spend any time with her, and I’ve already forgotten some of that. What I do remember is that she enjoyed the rain and splashing in puddles. She had long semi-curly brown hair (then again, it was raining, so maybe it was just frizzy, doesn’t really matter to me) and an infectious smile with dimples.
When I was a kid, I occasionally had dreams that I thought came true. Nothing terribly dramatic, I don’t think. Or maybe they were just déjà vu and I just didn’t understand what that was at the time. Childhood memories are terribly unreliable, as are remembered dreams.
If my life was a movie, at least I could probably presume she would come to life so I could have a real conversation with her. Then I’d probably full in love, and then she would decide that I wasn’t her dream man. And I would wish I’d never had that dream.
I’ll keep my eyes peeled anyway.
I’m sitting in a coffee shop trying to read some C.S. Lewis (Out of the Silent Planet, specifically). But my mind will not focus. I read three pages. They were a good three pages, but I couldn’t go on. I’m so distracted by everything: the dozens of topics flying around in my mind and the random stimuli here in my favorite cafe. In front of me, there is a rather attractive, but seemingly bored out of her skull, girl who has been texting or playing on her phone incessantly for over an hour. Her expression hasn’t changed once.
Behind me, I was overhearing two people on what seemed to be a first date. I’m pretty sure of this because if they had known each other previously, they would have likely known the answers to the questions they were asking… and would have felt more comfortable letting there be a few moments of silence. Of course what strikes me most about them is that the girl is someone who sent me a message on a dating website last week. (Don’t judge me for being on a dating website. I can quite easily find a date–but when you’re as picky as me, it makes sense to use your resources. That said, I’ve had much more success re:dating in real life).
At any rate, they seemed to hit it off. Good for them. I hope it works.
I’m tired. I’m so tired of this dull barely-existing-ness. I’m the most unfulfilled I’ve felt since I was in high school. I need a jump start. I am angry at myself.